World champion caught with Austin Powers Swedish syndrome...

Clearly 400m World and Olympic Champion LaShawn Merritt has been watching Austin Powers International Man of Mystery too many times. Merritt has been banned from competition with immediate effect and faces a lengthy ban by the International Association of Athletics Federations after he has been caught using a steroid.....for a penis enlargement.


Merritt won gold in the 400m at the 2008 Beijing Olympics and then followed that up by winning the same event at the 2009 World Championships in Berlin but was clearly not impressed by his own 'package' in the slow motion replays and turned to medicinal assistance.


When confronted by the allegation, Merritt did not think to much about his response as he could have used some better words to defend his actions rather than the following:


"To know that I've tested positive as a result of a product that I used for personal reasons is extremely difficult to wrap my hands around."


If Merritt was not already going to be the butt of all jokes on and off the athletics track, his own comments will have definitely 'raised' his profile. Lets just hope he can 'wrap' his head around his stupid mistake and learn from it.

NRL Mexicans lose it all

Today, south of the border, the Melbourne Storm proved that they had been to the Bernie Madoff school of business over the past 5 years by fraudulently paying $1.7 million of brown paper bag payments to various unnamed players.

After the Bulldogs scandal in 2002, the Storm were always going to be judged harshly, but when NRL CEO David Gallop announced their penalties, the NRL made Judge Judy look like a fairy princess.

The penalties are:

1. Stripped of 2007 and 2009 Premierships.
2. Stripped of 2006, 2007 and 2008 Minor Premierships.
3. $500,000 fine payable to the NRL.
4. Pay back $1.1 milion won in prize money (to be distributed equally to all other NRL clubs).
5. Stripped of all 2010 competition points earned to date.
6. Unable to earn any further 2010 competition points

You could hear the jaws of the reporting journalists hit the floor and the collective gasp of all people involved in rugby league such was the severity of the penalties.

There are many questions to answer following this shocking news, not the least being:

1. Who in the club knew? Was it limited to the the executives or were the players in on it as well? What about the players agents?
2. Are the Storm destined to join the North Sydney Bears, the Hunter Mariners, the Adelaide Rams, the Western Reds and the South Queensland Crushers in rugby league obscurity?
3. What will the sponsors do? Will we see a Tiger Woods-like exodus of sponsors? 
4. What must the Melbourne Rebels (the new Super 15 rugby union team) be thinking having poached ex-Storm CEO Waldron with many people now suggesting that he was the architect in the salary cap rort.
5. Subject to the terms in their contracts, the Storm players will arguably be able to break their contracts as the Storm have breached the trust and confidence of their contractual relationship by acting fraudulently. As such, will their be a flood of Storm players on the market?
6. Will there be tax and or criminal charges following these revelations?
7. What will the players do with those large and visible premiership tattoos?

All of these questions will undoubtedly be answered, some quicker than others, but the fallout may well damage rugby league's already dart board reputation beyond repair and play straight into the hands of Rugby Union, AFL and Football seeking to strengthen their respective footholds in the competitive Australian sports market.

Underage Sex Scandal

French football is in the midst of a sex scandal of epic proportions only 50 days before the beginning of the  world cup in South Africa.

Franck Ribery, the star French midfielder and subject of numerous transfer rumours, is at the heart of the sex scandal which allegedly involves underage prostitutes. Its not a good look for the 27 year old husband father of two nor is it a stabilising influence for the national team so close to the world cup.

The French are hardly the favourites for South African glory this summer having reached the event due to 'the hand of frog' (Thierry Henry's handball against the Irish in qualification sudden death) but this turmoil will surely not help their cause any further.

On an individual front, given John Terry's recent indiscretions and the hullabaloo that created, it is unlikely that the blue west london door of Chelsea is open. Just who will keep the door open and pay the pre-sex scandal asking price of 45 million euros for a player who may realistically end up in jail is anyones guess...

Lance Armstrong has the Sh*ts

Lance Armstrong's 2010 Tour De France preparations have been thrown into disarray with the cancer survivor spending more time on the porcelain throne than in the saddle.

Armstrong has been struck down with a severe case of gastroenteritis with only 2 months before the Tour commences and with no sign that he will recover quickly, there are doubts that he will make the start line in competitive condition. Armstrong was in the middle of the four-day Circuit de la Sarthe race, in the north-west of France when the illness struck. The bout was so bad that Armstrong returned home to his native Texas and has spent the last week recovering.

Armstrong recently tweeted that he was"Not so lucky I guess. Sicker than a dog now. This sucks." He has only just started eating food again. As such, serious questions now have to raised as to how ready Armstrong will be for the Tour. That said, if anyone has the willpower and determination to overcome the odds, Armstrong is a good bet.